


Truth In Sincerity

by sendricamp



Category: Pitch Perfect
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-14
Updated: 2013-01-21
Packaged: 2017-11-21 02:58:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 23,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/592676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sendricamp/pseuds/sendricamp
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Beca hated the word life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Rule #76

**Author's Note:**

> In light of a message from an anon who said that the Beca/Aubrey relationship wasn’t believable, I felt compelled to, first off, post a link to the fic that takes you to the beginning, as well as explain something about the fic.
> 
> Mitchsen is not the focus of the story.
> 
> This is a story about Chloe and how she grows as a person while the world moves around her. Yes, we get glimpses into the other relationships in the story [Stynthia, Mitchsen] but, overall, it is about Chloe.
> 
> Of course there isn’t going to be much to make Mitchsen a believable pairing in it. We don’t see every single event of their relationship. 95% of it we see through Chloe’s eyes. If you try to follow the fic using the Beca/Aubrey pairing as a guide, you are going to miss the point of it. 
> 
> So give it another read, yeah? And keep in mind that is it about Chloe, and Chloe finding her own path to happiness.

Life.  
  
Beca hated the word. She really did. She didn’t like the way it sounded when you promised someone your life, but gave up. Really, she didn’t have much of a choice in giving up. It wasn’t for lack of trying. She tried to keep the relationship alive -- healthy -- despite the efforts of destruction that were thrown her way. She was determined, but a person can only fight for so long.  
  
She gave up, and moved on. Every single day she woke up and hated herself for that, but she would never let anyone know, especially not her wife. It was her own private hell to deal with. No one would understand why she blamed herself, because she had tried so hard to save it.  
  
In the end, life fucks you over.


	2. Summer In B

They were happy, in this moment. Aubrey was letting the wind control the rise and fall of her hand out the passenger window. Chloe was asleep in the backseat, stretched out across the seat. Beca kept her eyes focused on the road, bobbing her head in time with the music on the radio, already thinking on how to mix the current song into something else. The spring sun was beating down as they made their way south.   
  
Aubrey and Chloe had driven up to New York for the ICCA’s, keeping their promise to the Bellas that they would be there to root them on to another victory, Beca’s fourth and final one. The brunette had decided to drive back to Atlanta with her friends, knowing it would be one of the last times they would spend together before Beca packed up her life and finally moved to Los Angeles.   
  
It was the life she wanted, finally within her reach, with the unexpected friendships that would be her late night phone calls and text messages. They would be why she returned to Georgia each Thanksgiving, each Christmas and each summer. They were her family, and it pained her to be leaving them, but this is what she had wanted since she was ten. Produce music for the biggest and best talent out there.  
  
For now, though, she had this drive. She had these little moments to file away in her brain when she needed a boost. Chloe shifted in the backseat, grunting when she couldn’t stretch out. “When is the next rest area?” she mumbled, sitting up, wiping the sleep from her eyes.  
  
“About ten more miles,” Beca responded, catching those blue eyes in the rearview mirror. Chloe nodded, leaning forward so her head was between the other women. “Will you ever learn the meaning of a personal bubble?”  
  
Chloe smirked, leaning her head on Beca’s shoulder. “Dude, you drive a tiny as shit Honda Civic. Just looking at this car is getting into your personal bubble,” she joked.   
  
“You are gonna hurt Noomi’s feelings if you keep talking about her like that,” Beca warned, reaching her right hand up to gently stroke the dashboard. “It’s okay, Noomi. Mean old Chloe didn’t mean anything by the tiny comments.”  
  
Aubrey laughed, turning her head to look at them. “You know, other people might think you are insane if you keep talking to your car like it is alive.”  
  
“You don’t?” Beca asked, feigning interest.  
  
“I know you are insane.” Her head turned back to the window, watching her hand move up and down. “It isn’t going to be the same without you around.”  
  
“Yeah. What are we going to do without you? No one to annoy us with new mixes or to get all pseudo-angry when we make fun of how little you are,” Chloe added, laughing and falling back into the seat as Beca blindly swatted at her, signaling as she slid the car off of the freeway and found a parking space as close to the rest area as she could. She turned to her passengers, pulling her bottom lip into her mouth as she thought over her words.  
  
“It somehow makes it harder to run off to California, knowing the support system I have here. I think at one point I even toyed with the idea of being an Atlanta-based producer, just so I could stay close to you,” she started. “I decided I am going to give Los Angeles two years, and then if nothing happens, I am going to run back to Georgia with my tail tucked firmly between my legs. How does that sound?”  
  
“I don’t think you need to worry about tucking anything anywhere,” Aubrey laughed, opening her door and removing herself from the car, stretching as Chloe joined her. The blonde leaned down, her eyes meeting Beca’s. “You are going to drive yourself mad if you keep dwelling on it, you know that, right?”  
  
Beca nodded, getting out of the car. Chloe had disappeared into the building, leaving the two woman leaning on the hood of the car. “I can’t believe I am about to admit this, but I am scared. I am absolutely terrified that I am going to get out there and realize I am not as good as everyone has made me out to be. I don’t want to fail, and that fear of failing is almost making me cancel it all and just curl up in my apartment and stay there.”  
  
“Even if you never go to Los Angeles, you know you would keep making mixes. It’s what you do.. it is what you are. Beca Mitchell, badass DJ.” Aubrey slid closer to her, their hands resting next to each other. “I know you are going to be fine. You are going to make it big and win so many awards. Just promise you don’t forget about us little people who helped you get to where you are.”  
  
“I can imagine my Grammy acceptance speech now. I want to thank the uptight blonde bitch Aubrey for almost ruining her life because she wouldn’t take two seconds to listen to me,” Beca chuckled.   
  
“Would they let you say bitch?”  
  
“Alright, how about this? I would like to thank the most uptight person I have ever met. Sure, she may seem like she doesn’t know how to let go, but underneath all that shrink wrap, she has the fattest heart I have ever seen,” Beca retorted, her pinky curling itself around Aubrey’s. “Think Chloe has it figured out yet?”  
  
“She didn’t take the backseat just so she could sleep all day,” Aubrey pointed out, nodding her head to the side as Chloe jogged over to them, pulling her hair up into a ponytail. Beca pulled her hand away from Aubrey’s, ignoring the sigh the blonde let out. “So, I think we might hit a hotel once we get into Roanoke. Or Beca could let someone else drive.”  
  
“Nah. Hotel sounds good. I love me some cheap, mass produced continental breakfast!”  
  
“I’ll be back. I want to go see if the vending machine has any Paydays,” Aubrey said, walking off.  
  
Beca turned, jumping when Chloe was inches from her. “The bubble?”  
  
The redhead rolled her eyes. “Will you please just tell me so I don’t have to keep pretending like I don’t know,” she requested, her eyes not leaving Beca’s. “I am not going to be mad.”  
  
The brunette looked towards the vending area, watching as Aubrey scrunched up her face in thought. “Two months,” she muttered. “I asked her out two months ago. It wasn’t like we were trying to keep it a secret, you know. I was just so wrapped up in trying to get the Bellas ready without being overbearing and really it just never came up in conversation.”   
  
Aubrey walked back over, one candy bar sticking out of her mouth and three more in her hands. “What?” she asked, ignoring the smirk from Beca. She took a bite of the opened one before looking between the two women. “I told you she picked the backseat for a reason.” She got into the car and Beca returned her gaze to Chloe.   
  
“How long have you known?”  
  
Chloe bit her lip. “I saw you give her a goodnight kiss last week,” she admitted. “I was home earlier than planned and when I was coming up the stairs, I saw you guys by the door. I didn’t feel right saying anything, though, because it felt more like I was creeping and I wasn’t. Plus, like I said, I’m not mad. I think you two are cute together,” she added, nudging Beca as she walked past her and climbed into the car. Beca took a deep breath before returning to the drivers seat, buckling up, starting the car and hitting the highway again.  
  
Chloe leaned back in the middle seat, her arms across her chest as she chewed on her bottom lip. “Spit it out,” Beca ordered.  
  
“I know I said I wasn’t mad, but that doesn’t mean that I am not hurt that you two couldn’t let me in on it. Aubrey, you’ve been my best friend for almost eight years now, and you couldn’t think to tell me that you had not only found someone to finally make you happy, but that it was Beca? We used to never keep secrets from each other.” There was no denying the hurt that filled Chloe’s voice. Beca looked at Aubrey, who was suddenly focused on the passing landscape. “I just want to know why you felt like you needed to hide it.”  
  
Beca opened her mouth to say something but was cut off by a look from Aubrey. The blonde turned in her seat to look at Chloe. “It was my fault. I know that you and Beca have a past and I wanted to make sure it was more than some silly fling or crush before I brought it to you. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings or make you feel like Beca was trying to replace you, alright?”  
  
Chloe cringed at the mention of her past with Beca. It wasn’t horrible, they just hadn’t worked out. It took them almost a year to realize it, but it was fine that the brunette was moving on while Chloe just sat around her room alone, wishing she had someone taking her out every Friday night. “I don’t feel like she is trying to replace me,” she muttered, stretching back out across the seat and putting her headphones in. “Wake me up when we get to the hotel.”  
  
Beca waited, listening for the music to start blaring through the headphones. It took less than a minute. “She’s pissed.”  
  
Aubrey reached over, grabbing Beca’s free hand, squeezing it gently. “Well, she is a big girl, Beca. She will get over it.”  
  
The brunette nodded, keeping her eyes on the road. She hadn’t flicked the radio back on after leaving the rest area, and the silence in the car was starting to drive her insane. Letting go of Aubrey’s hand, she fiddled with the dial until a radio station slowly faded in, playing some late seventies song or another.  It was a solid two hours of only the radio fading in and out before they reached a hotel, Beca sitting in the car as Aubrey went in to get them a room. She turned in her seat, reaching back and poking Chloe.   
  
The redhead jerked awake, looking around. “What?”  
  
“We’re at the hotel. Aubrey is getting us a room.” She took a moment, chewing on her bottom lip. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about me and Aubrey, okay? It was stupid to keep it hidden. I just.. Aubrey and I both felt weird that you and I ended so abruptly and we somehow slid right back into friends so fast without actually talking things out. It was unfair of me to just walk away like I did, but all we were doing was fighting, and then once I left, we just.. stopped.”   
  
Chloe remained silent, focusing on putting her iPod away.   
  
“It was stupid of me, but that doesn’t mean I care about you any less just because I am dating Aubrey. I mean, come on, I am in college. If I was still with the same person.. that’s rare for college. You are still my best friend, and this proves that nothing is going to change that.” She looked inside, noting that Aubrey was still at the counter. “I did love you, Chloe. When I said it, I meant it. And I will never take it back. But we just.. we grew apart.”  
  
“Why Aubrey? Why her?”   
  
Beca opened her mouth to respond, closing it quickly when she saw Aubrey approaching the car. The blonde looked between the two women, letting the silence last for a moment. “I don’t know what I just walked into, but our room is on the second floor. You can go around the back of the building and there is a door that leads right to the stairs,” she pointed out, not missing the annoyed glare Chloe threw at Beca before sitting back.  
  
Chloe remained silent, her eyes catching Beca’s whenever they happened to look in the same direction as they headed up the stairs and into the room. She tossed her backpack onto one of the beds before turning and looking at the other two women. “I am going to go check out the exercise  room.”   
  
Beca watched her leave the room before turning to Aubrey. “What in the hell did you do to her?” Aubrey asked, her arms sliding around Beca’s waist.  
  
“She asked me why I chose you of all people,” she replied, her forehead resting in the crook of Aubrey’s neck.   
  
“What did you tell her?”  
  
“I didn’t get a chance to answer. You came back to the car.”  
  
Aubrey laughed. “Sorry, I know it isn’t funny.” She leaned back, tilting Beca’s head up, placing a soft kiss on her lips. “Go find her and tell her whatever you need to tell her, okay?”  
  
The brunette nodded, turning and leaving the room, following the signs for the exercise room, finding Chloe sitting on the floor just inside the room, her head in her hands. “Chlo..”  
  
“Go away.”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Beca.”  
  
“I picked Aubrey because she was there,” she stated. “When I walked out on you, she was there for me and she listened to me, and it just happened. It wasn’t like I had been planning all along to hook up with your best friend. She had seen our fights, Chloe. She knew that neither of us were trying to save the relationship. She understood why I walked away, and even after you and I started talking again, and it was killing me, she was there to listen, and it just happened.”  
  
Chloe looked up, tears in her eyes. “Who kissed who?”  
  
“What does that even matter?”  
  
“Answer the question.”  
  
Beca groaned. “She kissed me. I was stressing over the Bellas and I was going on and on and on and she just leaned over and kissed me. And I kissed her back. I don’t see anything wrong with it. We were both single.”  
  
Chloe bit her lip, almost working the question over in her mind before she spat out, “have you fucked her yet?”  
  
“No. We.. we were waiting for the right moment.” Beca sat on the floor across from Chloe, messing with the hem of her shirt.  
  
“So, what makes her so special and worthy of waiting? I mean, all it took was one fucking drink and you were in my pants,” she snapped. “Am I that easy? You think I am easy? Then you just get bored with what is easy and you sit and wait and bide your time until the right moment to fuck her? What makes her so fucking special?!”  
  
“Chloe, it isn’t like that!” Beca shouted, standing up and looking down at the redhead. “I messed up with you, okay? Is that what you want to hear? Everything was my fault! Neither of us wanted a relationship but we were too fucking good of friends to have it be a one night stand. I should have grown a pair and ended it before it even began and spared us both the pain, but I can’t go back, Chloe! I can’t go back and change what choices I made with you, but I can sure as fuck try and do them right with Aubrey.” Beca opened her mouth to add something before thinking better of it. “I’m sorry.”


	3. Temporary

Beca slammed the door to the hotel room open, grabbing her backpack from the table, stopping when Aubrey put a hand on her wrist. “Slow down,” she said, turning the shorter woman to face her. “What happened?”

The brunette wrenched her arm from Aubrey’s grip, using her sleeve to wipe the tears from her eyes. “How can I make this right, Aubrey?! How can I make Chloe see that I care about her, but I can’t go back to her? That I fucked it up, and I hate myself for fucking it up. I am taking it so slow with you because I am ready for this now. I wasn’t ready for her, and I don’t think she was ready for me, but I don’t want to mess up with you because then I have no one. I don’t want to end up with no one.”

Aubrey pulled the backpack from Beca’s hand and set it down before wrapping her arms around her girlfriend, holding her tightly as the younger woman broke down crying. She looked up as the door slowly opened, Chloe appearing. The redhead walked over to them, wringing her hands together. “Beca?”

Beca turned, keeping Aubrey’s arms around her.

“I’m sorry. I was.. I was really out of line in asking you what I did. It is none of my business what you two do behind closed doors. I was upset, and I took it out on you, and that wasn’t right,” Chloe said, her voice quiet. “I just.. I lost control when you said that it was because Aubrey was there.”

Beca paled, feeling the blondes arms retract. “I was there?”

Chloe clamped a hand over her mouth as Beca turned, facing the blonde. Aubrey had her hands on her hips, her face a mixture of pain and anger. “That isn’t how I meant it!”

“How did you mean it then, Beca?”

The smaller woman opened her mouth, closing it again just as quick. “I meant it like.. you were there, for me, because you knew that I was hurting. You knew that I needed someone, and that means the world to me. You were there when I needed you the most. That is what I meant by it.”

Aubrey didn’t look convinced.

Beca threw her hands up. “You know what? I am sick of having to explain myself tonight for reasons that shouldn’t even be discussed. You guys have fun, I am going to go sleep in the car.” She grabbed her backpack and the car keys before either woman could stop her. Chloe flinched when the door closed, her eyes looking anywhere but Aubrey’s.

“I shouldn’t have said anything,” Chloe mumbled, sitting on the bed closest to her. She brought her hand to her mouth, chewing on her thumbnail. “Aubrey, I think there is something wrong with me.”

There was something in Chloe’s voice that sent a chill through the blonde, causing her to sit down next to her friend, immediately putting an arm around her. “Like what?”

“I’m scared to be alone sometimes. My moods.. I just.. the smallest things set me off, Bree. But then I feel even worse after that. I cry for no reason, but minutes later I am perfectly fine. I don’t know what is happening. I lose sleep for days at a time.. I forget to eat.. but then I go through a period where I do nothing but sleep. I’m scared.”

“That’s why you blew up at Beca?”

Chloe nodded. “She meant what she told you, Bree. You were what she needed. She wasn’t ready for me and I wasn’t ready for her. We could have been amazing, but our timing was so off. Then she gets you when she has had room to grow, and I should be happy for her. I should be happy for the both of you, you know? You are two of the people that I trust the most in life and the two people that actually mean something to me. I am just stupid if I keep letting this get to me. I need to grow up and get over it. There are plenty of people out there, right? I should stop dwelling on the one I lost and go find the one I keep missing.” She nodded, almost as if to reassure herself. “I can’t dwell on Beca. I loved her.. I still love her.. but it wasn’t right. The only reason you two fought tonight was because of me, and it could have been worse.”

“Doesn’t change the fact that she is still sleeping in the car.” Aubrey stood up, walking over to the other bed. “Chloe, we didn’t fight because of you. Okay, maybe you triggered it, but you know how much Beca and I argue in general. We hadn’t had a single fight in the past two months, but I could feel one building. I push her, and maybe that isn’t healthy.” She sat down, looking across the room at the redhead. “Want to know something?”

Chloe looked at her, quickly wiping the tears from her eyes.

“Beca regretted walking out on you for so long. It was the only thing she could talk about. You guys could have had a better start to a relationship than hooking up at a party, yeah, but she cared about you. She still cares about you, Chloe. And so do I. I know that I can never say sorry enough for hiding this from you, but when we started dating, it just seemed like it was the right thing to do. To protect you.”

“I don’t need your protection,” she spat.

“I know, and that was where I made my first mistake.”

“I don’t really feel up to listening to you go on and on about you anymore, so I am going to go to sleep, fair enough?” she said, slipping off her sneakers before curling up on the bed. She heard Aubrey sigh before the door to the room opened and closed. She shut her eyes, putting her hands over her face as she let herself cry.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

Her and Beca were supposed to be meant for each other.

Hearing both Beca and Aubrey tell her that the timing was off frustrated her. Beca had meant the world to her, yet she never did anything to save the relationship. She could have been better, more understanding, but instead she locked herself away and stopped letting Beca in. Chloe couldn’t explain it even if you paid her, but it was by far the most frustrating experience in her life.

Destroying the one thing that actually made her happy. When she was with Beca, she slept. She ate. She smiled. She laughed. The past two years had brought almost none of that. It was a struggle to keep the smile on her face just to avoid someone asking her what was wrong.. having to suffer through the annoyance of the only answer being that she didn’t know.

What she did know was that she slept, but she hurt. It wasn’t emotional hurt or physical hurt, but those first few weeks after Beca left her, she just.. hurt. She spent more days than not just laying in bed, sometimes moving to the couch, wishing that the door would open and Beca would say that she was just joking. A cruel joke.

That was how she felt now. Like Beca and Aubrey were playing a cruel joke on her.

The door to the room opened, revealing both Beca and Aubrey’s voices talking in a hushed tone. Chloe kept her eyes shut, trying to take in every word. “No, I didn’t tell her!” Aubrey said, her voice strained. “She basically brushed me off almost immediately after you left. I’m worried about her. She thinks there is something wrong with her.”

“She just had a huge bombshell dropped on her, Aubrey. She is going to be a little wonky.”

“No, I mean, she really thinks it. I have never heard her sound so scared.”

Beca sighed.

“Don’t roll your eyes. You know her just as well as I do, and we both know she hasn’t been the same since you left.”

“Are we really going to go here? I thought we worked past this already.”

“Beca,” Aubrey warned.

“No! You don’t get to do that!” The brunette raised her voice. “You don’t get to make this into my fault. It is bad enough I have spent every single day of the past year and a half kicking myself for hurting her, but I moved on. It isn’t like she would have taken me back, Aubrey! You know that better than anyone! She shut all of us out, and we are fucking lucky she let us back in.”

A thud as someone slammed their hand on the table.

“I know what it is like to shut people out when they hurt you. I spent my teenage years doing my hardest to ignore my dad because he left. I didn’t let my mom in, because I wanted to be alone. It was easier than trying to decipher anything! I thought something was wrong with me, but it wasn’t.” She took a breath. “I mean, there was but now there isn’t.”

Chloe inhaled, any extra noise now pushed to the side as she focused on Beca’s voice.

The sound of someone, more than likely Beca, sitting in one of the chairs. “My mom got scared when I spent the entire summer vacation between my junior and senior years of high school in my room. I mean, that was normal, you know? I would lock myself up and work with music. But I wasn’t even doing that. I just.. I couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed in the morning. I barely ate anything. She finally caved and called my dad, and he was there in an instant, with his new wife, but he was worried about me.”

A pause.

“They took me to the emergency room, fearing for my safety or something. They had a therapist come in and talk to me. I was diagnosed with depression. I spent my senior year of high school going to see a shrink after school three times a week, and I was put on Prozac, but you know something? It worked. I am better now. I still take the fucking pills, just because I am terrified of what would happen if I didn’t.”

There were no more words, but Chloe knew the sound of Beca crying. She wanted to jump up and hold her, and tell her that she was so scared that she had the same thing, but it wasn’t her place to comfort the younger woman anymore. That was Aubrey’s job.

“I’m sorry,” Aubrey whispered, what seemed to be hours later, after the sniffling from the other side of the room had stopped. It took Chloe a minute to realize that she was talking to the redhead. The bed shifted, Aubrey wrapping her arms around Chloe. “I know you heard all of that. And I am sorry that I keep messing up on being your best friend. I have to find a balance between her girlfriend and your friend. It might take me a while, but I want you to know that I am trying. You are so important to me, Chlo, because you were the only one there for me at Barden. You stuck around through the worst, and I will never be able to repay that. You spent so much time and energy making sure I was okay but I never did the same for you. I treated you like shit.”

“Don’t.”

“No, you need to listen to me. I’ve been a horrible friend, and part of me is always going to be hesitant about my relationship with Beca because of how much she meant to you and how much you mean to her. We do worry about you, Chloe, even if you don’t believe it right now. I know a lot was dumped on you today, but when you are ready to try and sort your thoughts out, I am here.”

Chloe turned over, looking at the blonde. “What didn’t you tell me?”

Aubrey shook her head. “It isn’t important right now.”

“It is to me.”

The blonde took a deep breath before meeting her friends eyes. “When Beca moves to Los Angeles in August, I am going with her.”


	4. You're Only Young Once

Aubrey was going to Los Angeles in four months. She was going to Los Angeles to live with Beca. Chloe closed her eyes, replaying the conversation she had overheard. Beca took medication to keep her depression under control. Maybe that was the same problem Chloe had. Maybe she was just depressed. Sure, it didn’t explain the very, very brief moments where she was nothing but happy, but it explained the lows.

It explained wanting to sleep all day and all night.

It explained wanting to kill herself when things got really bad.

Maybe she should tell her parents she wanted to see a doctor about it, just in case.

She would get out of bed and find her phone, but it was one of those days. It hurt to even think about moving. She could hear Aubrey and Beca in the living room, talking about the apartment that Beca's dad had already gotten for her.

Footsteps heading down the hall, stopping at her door. "Chloe?" Aubrey's voice was gentle, a hint of worry in it. "It's almost two in the afternoon."

"I don't feel good."

"I'm going to run out and get some food. Beca will be in the living room if you need anything." Her footsteps retreated down the hall, stopped somewhere in the living room before continuing to the door. Chloe listened to the door open and close, waiting a few minutes before forcing herself out of the bed.

Sure enough, Beca was stretched out on the couch, her laptop open. She had her hands raised, headphones at the ready, when she noticed Chloe. "Hey."

"Hi," Chloe mumbled, the first words she had spoken to Beca since four days ago at the hotel. "Make some room?"

"Of course." The brunette swung her feet to te floor, watching quietly as Chloe made herself comfortable. "Look, Aubrey told me that you know we are moving in together.."

"Beca, it's fine."

Beca nodded, closing her laptop and setting it on the table. "Do you want to watch a movie?"

Chloe smiled. "I thought you hated movies."

"Well, you know, I dated this chick for a while and she showed me that not all movies are horribly predictable," Beca smirked.

"Clearly, she must have known her stuff." Chloe frowned for a moment. "Did you ask Aubrey? Or did she ask you?"

"She.. uh.. she asked me. I was telling her how my dad got me this two bedroom apartment in North Hollywood and she brought up moving in together. It just seems logical since her dad.." Beca trailed off.

"Her dad what?" Chloe inquired.

"Her dads firm is opening a branch in LA. It saves her from having to apartment hunt."

Chloe closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Aubrey was going to Los Angeles anyways. She was leaving Chloe regardless and she hasn't told her. "Oh."

"Aubrey is going to kill me for telling you. I don't.."

"What? Did she not want me to know? She wanted to hide that from me? Everyone is abandoning me. This is bullshit," she said, standing up. Ignoring Beca, she made her way back to her room and found her sneakers and phone before heading back into the living room. "Tell Aubrey I won't be home tonight," she snapped, grabbing her wallet before leaving the apartment, slamming the door behind her.

Fifteen minutes later she found herself in front of the apartment that Cynthia Rose and Stacie shared, tears falling down her cheeks. She pulled her phone out of her pocket, quickly highlighting Cynthia Roses name. "Yeah?"

"It's Chloe. Do you have some time? I could really use someone to talk to," Chloe mumbled, wiping her eyes.

"I'll be down in five."

The phone disconnected and Chloe tried to stop the new wave of tears. Five minutes later, Cynthia Rose climbed into the car and looked at the redhead. "I'm not okay," she cried.

Cynthia Rose wisely kept her mouth shut.

"Beca and Aubrey are moving to Los Angeles together. Aubrey has a job in California and I had to find out from Beca because I guess I am just not important to Aubrey anymore. She doesn't tell me anything willingly. I.. I overheard something, and it made me think."

"I am all ears, babe."

"I know I can trust you. I heard Beca tell Aubrey that when she was a teenager, she was diagnosed with depression as a teenager and that she takes medication." Chloe bit her lip. "I think I want to go see a doctor. I think I might have that problem."

Cynthia Rose reached across the car, pulling the redhead to her. "If you want that, we will figure something out, okay? I take it you don't want anyone else to know?"

Chloe shook her head. "I'm scared to know if I am messed up."

"I'll let you in on a secret, Chloe. Everyone is messed up. Some just hide it better than others," Cynthia Rose said, pulling back and smiling at her friend.

\----

Bi-Polar II.

Chloe had a mental illness.

She slowly walked back into the waiting room, ignoring the look Cynthia Rose gave her, holding the pieces of paper in her hand. She felt numb.

She could feel the last few years of her life slowly falling into place.

The down moods. The small ups.

It made sense.

She finally looked to the other woman as they got to the car. "I need to get these prescriptions filled."

Cynthia Rose nodded. "Easy enough."

Chloe remained silent as they headed towards the drugstore.

"Aubrey texted you a few times while you were in there," Cynthia Rose mentioned, setting Chloe's phone in one of the cupholders.

The redhead nodded, pulling into the parking lot. Cynthia Rose followed her into the store, hanging back in the small toy section as Chloe dropped the prescription off. She was putzing with a cup in a ball toy when Chloe reappeared. “I have officially been diagnosed as biploar, which does explain my ups and downs, I guess.”

“You gonna tell Aubrey?”

Chloe shook her head. “I was actually going to make you a little deal.”

“Oh?”

“Stacie told me you have been having some trouble with your gambling again.”

Cynthia Rose looked at the floor.

“With Beca and Aubrey moving across the country, it is going to be slightly easier to keep things from them. We all know I can be.. spastic. So, you make sure I take my meds every day and I will do my damndest to keep you from gambling. Sound fair?”

“Very.” She was silent for a moment. “Stacie said if it gets worse again, she is done. I don’t want to lose her. I worked so hard to get her to see that she was what I wanted, and if that was going to just.. fall apart.. I couldn’t handle that, you know? As cheesy as it sounds, she makes.."

"..you better." Chloe smiled. "I know the feeling. And that's why I want to help you. And you are the only person.. I haven't even told my parents I was going to see a doctor.. you are my support system. I'm going to rely on you to keep me in check."

Cynthia Rose remained silent for a moment before looking at Chloe again. "Have you ever seriously thought about killing yourself?" she asked, her voice low.

The redhead thought for a moment, looking around. "When Beca left." She turned and walked back to the pharmacy, letting her brain figure out how to finish the answer. They were in the car ten minutes later when Chloe finally had it. "I had never thought of myself as someone who would be suicidal. I mean, I was always able to put on a smile to please everyone around me, but I never wanted to die."

Chloe noted that Stacie's car was gone when she parked in front of Cynthia Rose's building. They headed upstairs, sitting on opposite ends of the couch.

"No one can deny that I wanted Beca, like, the second I saw her. At first, it was just lust. She was hot and I was itching for someone new. I don't know what I was thinking when I walked into her shower stall and forced her to sing. I'm still shocked she never tried to have me arrested. She told me, at hood night, that even if her sad hadn't told her to get involved.. after that night she would have auditioned anyways because of me. She was striving to connect with someone."

She took a drink of water, hesitantly downing her two pills.

"She connected with me over music and all I could realize was that there was so much more to her than that badass attitude she tried so hard to project. We spent time together, and then that night we all waited in her room? After you guys had left, I confessed everything to her. Not about wanting her, but how it made me feel horrible with how Aubrey treated me. How Aubrey treated everyone."

Cynthia Rose smirked.

"Clearly, you can guess the choice words Beca had about that, right? So it actually hurt my feelings at semis when she told me that it's okay, because it wasn't like I had to pretend I was allowed to have a say in the group."

"What gave you the courage to make that first move?"

"I saw her kiss Jesse. It hurt. Like, it felt like someone was standing on my chest. Two days later, I asked her of they were dating and it was such a relief to hear her say that they weren't. She liked him as a friend, but she couldn't get over some comments he made in the beginning of the year that made him sound like a pretentious douchebag."

"That's because he is a pretentious douchebag," Cynthia Rose said, clinking her water glass with Chloe's as they laughed.

"Anyways, back to the story. I could have just asked her if she wanted to go on a date, but in my pure elation that she was single, I just leaned forward and kissed her. She pushed me away, telling me she needed to think."

The other woman laughed. "Sorry, I don't mean to laugh because I know you put yourself out there, but I can just see that happening. Beca has walls, but I don't think she has any ability to keep them up when it comes to you, even now."

"No, she still has some. But at hood night the next year, she asked me to come, and I did. We got drunk and we fell into bed. Neither of us wanted to call it a one night stand. In a way, we roped ourselves into a relationship that most people thought was coming. If I said I didn't have doubts about it, I would be lying."

"As sad as it is true, all good things must come to an end."

"That's deep." She let a sad smile cross her face. "I kept trying to push her away. But Beca wouldn't have that. She kept trying to worm her way back in, because deep down she wanted it.. she wanted me. Then I just kept closing in on myself. I still can't explain it. And one day, I woke up, and Beca was gone."

"Ouch."

She nodded. "Yeah. I felt like I just.. I didn't want to go on. I had pushed her away, but once I achieved that, I found I needed her. I needed her to stay alive. I never actually tried to kill myself, and I have Aubrey to thank for that. I would call her and I would be a miserable mess and she would wait until I was calm before she told me that Beca was just as miserable, but neither of us would cave." She took a deep breath, opening her mouth to add more when the front door opened, Stacie coming in with a few grocery bags.

“Oh, Chloe! Hey!” she said, smile on her face as Cynthia Rose jumped up and took the bags from her. “I didn’t think you guys were gonna be back for a while still. I was hoping to have some sort of dinner thrown together.”

“Don’t let us being here early stop you from cooking. I was just gonna get some takeout,” Chloe replied, turning on the couch to look into the kitchen. Her eyes met Cynthia Rose’s for a brief second, smiling as she put the groceries away, the two moving effortlessly in the kitchen around each other.

She couldn’t have prepared herself for the jolt of sadness that hit in her in that moment.

That was something her and Beca were supposed to have. She was going to come home from her job as a teacher and Beca would have some mangled form of dinner waiting on the table, and they would curl up on the couch together and fall asleep in each others arms.

She stood up, her head spinning. “Chloe?” Cynthia Rose sounded far away.

She needed out.

She needed to run.

She was falling towards the couch again.

Blacking out worked, too, she guessed.


	5. Living Proof

“Well, is she okay?” Aubrey asked, pressing the phone to her ear, holding a finger up to silence the question hanging off of Beca’s lips. “Okay, yeah. I can come pick her up. You and Stacie just head on home.” She ended the call and stood up from the kitchen table. “Chloe passed out, banged her head pretty bad on the coffee table.”

“Holy shit.”

“I guess she has a mild concussion and got a few stitches, but other than that, she is fine. You can stay here while I go get her,” Aubrey said, kissing the top of Beca’s head. “I’ll be back soon.” She headed out the door and made her way to the hospital, asking the nurse for Chloe’s room before almost running down the hall. She opened the door, smiling as she saw Chloe stretched out on a bed watching television. “Hey, red.”

It took a second for Chloe to turn towards her, smiling when she did. “Hey, Bree! They.. they gave me some medicine for the pain.” Her voice sounded far away, causing the blonde to smile wider. “Are you here to take me home?”

“Yeah, I am, Chlo. You good to walk on your own?” she asked, stepping over to the bed as Chloe swung her legs off the side, wobbling slightly as she sat up. Chloe nodded, getting off the bed and grabbing the windowsill to balance herself. Aubrey was at her side instantly, holding her up. “How about I just help you out a little bit, yeah?”

“Thank you,” Chloe mumbled, grabbing her bag from the chair next to the bed before letting Aubrey lead her out of the room. They stopped at the nurses station, Aubrey filling out the required paperwork to let the redhead leave. “This.. this is what is going to suck when you leave me, Bree. You aren’t going to be there for me anymore. You will be too far away living happily ever after with Beca.”

Aubrey got Chloe into the car before heading to the drivers side, remaining silent on the drive back to their apartment. She was almost thankful that Beca was nowhere to be found when they got back. She helped Chloe sit down on the couch.

“Am I allowed to take a nap yet?” she mumbled, laying her head against the back of the couch.

“Not yet, Chlo. You gotta stay up for just a little while longer, okay?”

Chloe nodded, her fingers going to the bandage on her forehead. “Why did I fall?”

“I don’t know,” Aubrey said, sitting on the other side of the couch. “Cynthia Rose said you were fine and then you stood up. I’m worried about you.”

The redhead waved her hand, rolling her eyes. “No, you aren’t. The only reason you had to be called was because you are my stupid emergency contact and they wouldn’t have let me leave if you hadn’t been able to come get me. That is why I am going to be alone, Aubrey. You and Beca are running across the country, without me, and I am going to be all alone here. How is that fair to me? You get to live the happily ever after that I deserved! You didn’t even like Beca!”

Aubrey kept her mouth shut, her eyes locked on her friends.

“I was supposed to love her forever. But you, Aubrey, you hated her. You hated everything about her. I spent two hours convincing you to let her into the Bellas and you fought with her every step of the way! I cared about her, I loved her, and you didn’t!”

“I would be lying if I said I never hated her. I don’t form instant attractions or connections like you do, Chloe. It takes me time to sort out how I feel about a person, and maybe it is because of the way I was raised that makes it hard for me to move past the hate portion of initial feelings. Sure, it was stupid of me to take out all this anger and bitchiness on the Bellas, and even on you, but it just made sense at the time.”

Chloe remained silent, biting down on her bottom lip.

“I saw her falling for you, Chloe. And I saw you falling for her. I wanted you two to be happy, I really did. When I saw you two disappear upstairs at that party, I couldn’t help but laugh because I knew what was going to happen and I knew how long you two had been hovering around that.” She paused, looking down to her hands. “I wish you could see where I am coming from. You have been my best friend for the past eight years of my life, and I love you so much, but.. it is hard knowing where to stand. I care about you, and I care about Beca.”

The redhead messed with the blanket on the couch, trying to stop the tears in her eyes.

“I really care about her. I don’t want to go as far as to say it is love, but I think at some point it might be. She makes me feel like it is okay to let go of control sometimes, and that is something no one else has ever been able to teach me. I know you tried, but there is something about it being Beca that finally makes it sink in.”

Chloe sniffed.

“Okay, look, I know you might not be the best person to talk to about this, but I don’t have anyone else, Chloe. The only person I have had is you and that makes this all the more difficult. You were right, you know, when you said you needed to stop dwelling on her. If you care about her, you can let her and I be happy.”

“I just want to take a nap.”

Aubrey looked at her watch. “Watch a movie and by the time it is done, you should be good to get some sleep. I am going to go to my room, so just holler if you need anything, got it?” she asked, her voice soft. Chloe nodded, waving the blonde away. She went down the hall, opening the door of the bedroom and putting a hand over her mouth to stop the scream when she saw Beca relaxing on the bed. “What the hell?! I thought you left!” she said, a smile on her face.

“Well, I knew that it wouldn’t be too good for Chloe if you guys showed up and I was sitting on the couch, so I just retreated back here and hoped you two would stay in the living room to talk,” she replied, her voice low. She climbed off the bed and moved to the blonde, wrapping her arms around her waist. Aubrey placed a soft kiss on her lips before resting their foreheads together, her eyes closed. “How did it go?”

“I am a horrible friend, and a horrible girlfriend, Beca. I can’t figure out how this should all work. I want to be there for her and I want to be there for you, but the fact that she is all out of whack because of me and you, it is like I am standing in the middle of a minefield and it is only going to end badly no matter who I step towards.” She took a deep breath. “What do I do?”

Beca bit her lip. “You could always tell your dad you are staying in Atlanta,” she mumbled. “Chloe needs you more. We could do long distance. I think we could, at least. I am willing to try.”

Aubrey shook her head. “You don’t get to pull away from me, Beca. I see you do that with everyone else, and I don’t want to see you do that with me. I want to be with you, and I want to move to California with you. Chloe thinks I am leaving her alone, but she is going to have a support system out here. I have to keep telling myself that, because I don’t know what else to do. I don’t know how to help her if she blows up at me every single time I try and figure out what is wrong with her.”

“I’m going to go talk to her.” Beca peeled herself away from Aubrey, leaving the bedroom door open as she headed down the hall, sitting on the couch next to Chloe. “Can we talk?”

“About?” she replied, not taking her eyes off of the television.

“You.”

“Oh, so now someone cares about what I have to say?”

“I always care about what you have to say.”

“You sure if I start talking you aren’t going to turn it into a pity party for yourself like everyone else does?” she snapped. Beca leaned back, closing her eyes.

“You talk, I will sit here and listen to everything you say, I promise. No interruptions.”

Chloe bit her lower lip, trying to figure out where to start without setting herself off. “I never meant to shut you out, Beca. I still don’t know what happened with us, and that kills me, because you were truly one of the best things to ever walk into my life. I just.. I wanted so much from the relationship, and I just didn’t have it in me to ask any of the bigger questions.”

“Like?”

“We were together almost a year and we never moved in together. You always shut people out, Beca, yet you and Aubrey have only been together for two months and you are going to be moving in with each other in three months?”

“I told you, it just saves her from having to go on an apartment hunt when she gets out to LA.”

Chloe shook her head. “I don’t believe that. Aubrey is working for her dad. She has any funds she needs at her fingers. She could have any apartment in Southern California if that’s what she wanted, but she just so happens to be moving into one that you have? Why is it so easy for you to let her in when you couldn’t even bother spending more than one night at a time with me?”

“Chloe, if you wanted me to move in, why didn’t you just ask?”

“You never gave me any hint that you wanted to! You would come over and if you were too tired to go back to your dorm, you would crash on the couch. You barely even slept in the same bed as me, unless we had slept together. Sometimes.. sometimes I felt like the only thing you cared about in the relationship was the sex.”

Beca stood up, running her hands through her hair. “Chloe, how many times do you have to be told that I cared about you? That I still care about you? You seem so hellbent on making it seem like I am the only one at fault about this, and the more it happens and the more I dwell on it, the more I feel like you are right. That you like hearing me admit that it is my fault!” She turned, looking at the redhead. “You know what? Fuck this, Chloe! We are going in circles! You play this fucking emotional card and turn it so you can’t possibly be the one to blame so it all falls on me. This has been going on for two years and it is bullshit.”

Chloe pulled herself off of the couch, meeting Beca’s eyes. “You seriously think I keep trying to place the blame on you? You said you were going to sit here and listen to me but instead you have turned this conversation into something about you, and you are making me the bad guy! I am always being made out to be the bad guy and I am fucking sick of it!” she yelled, taking the brunette by surprise. “All I want to figure out is where we went wrong, why I wasn’t able to hold on to you and why you left me for Aubrey!”

Beca let a hollow laugh escape her throat. “You can’t keep throwing out that I left you for Aubrey! It has been two years, Chloe. Two fucking years! If I had hooked up with her right after I left you, this would be a completely different story. I am not trying to make you the bad guy, but you need to take a step up and realize you had just as much of a part in the end of our relationship as I did. I tried, Chloe. I really did. Maybe you didn’t see it, but I spent those last three months trying so hard to break into your little world, but the more I tried, the more you pushed me away. I could only keep it up for so long. I was destroying myself trying to get to you, and I had to make the choice that was better for me, for once, instead of trying to protect everyone else from hurting.”

“And how is that working out for you now? Are you happy? I am so sorry that it was oh so fucking painful for you, but you weren’t the only person hurting, Beca. I have my reasons for curling up, just like you do! I may not be able to talk about them, with anyone, but they are there and you make me feel like you don’t respect that. Like it was so easy for you to give up just to preserve your own feelings.”

“Easy?!” Beca yelled, her face inches from Chloe’s. “You think it was fucking _easy_ for me? To hear you crying when I told you I was leaving? To get my shit out of here and pack it up, listening to you screaming for me to come back but never actually trying to stop me? You think that was easy?! I didn’t get out of bed for a week, Chloe! My heart was breaking! It felt like I couldn’t fucking breathe without you! And you have the nerve to say that it was easy for me to leave?! Have you ever walked away from the one thing you loved more than anything in your life?”

Chloe opened her mouth, frowning when Beca cut her off.

“No, I am sick and tired of hearing your voice right now. I don’t want to hear anymore of these pity party stories that you keep spitting out instead of telling me the truth. Tell Aubrey she can find me at my apartment if she needs me,” Beca snapped, turning on her heel, grabbing her bag and slamming the door behind her.


	6. Follow Your Dreams, Forget The Scene

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is on the shorter side, but I promise the next one will be bigger and better.

Chloe took the last of the DVD’s out of the cardboard box and set them on the shelf, making sure they stayed in alphabetical order. She sat down on the bed, listening to the sounds of Cynthia Rose and Stacie laughing over something as they moved around the kitchen. When she had come to her friends asking for help to find an apartment that was affordable, seeing as her and Aubrey were selling their shared one, she hadn’t exactly expected Stacie to offer up the guest room.

She missed the old apartment. Aubrey and her had gotten it after their first year at Barden, just to avoid the chance of not being roommates again. Chloe had to continuously remind herself that it made sense to sell it. With Aubrey going to California, the apartment was far too huge for just one person. It didn’t make leaving it any easier, though, with the memories the walls held.

There had been parties and fights, tears and laughter. It had been her home for three years, and she felt like she was just throwing it away by going along with Aubrey’s plan to sell. It could be for the better, though, because more recently the living room had become full of her last fight with Beca. Two months had gone by since she had spoken to the brunette. Chloe had hoped Beca would at least tell her goodbye, but the younger woman had disappeared to California early, leaving only a piece of paper for Chloe saying ‘sorry’.

She jerked her head to the side when she felt the bed dip, throwing a half-hearted smile on her face as Cynthia Rose sat down. “You doing okay?” she asked, handing her a glass of water. “I figured this might help when you have to take your meds.”

Chloe took the water and set it on the nightstand, next to the pill bottles. “It is kind of nice not having to hide them,” she mumbled. “Are you sure Stacie won’t tell anyone else?”

“You think by now you could trust me,” Stacie said, leaning against the doorframe. “I know you didn’t want to tell me about it in the first place, but I know when to keep some things a secret.” She crossed the room and sat on the bed next to Cynthia Rose. “You know both of us are here to talk if you need us, right? No matter what it is, and even if you have to wake us up for it.”

Chloe nodded. “I know, I’m sorry,” she mumbled. “I just.. I get that we are friends, but I never expected you to just.. take me in.” She remained silent for a moment. “Aubrey leaves next weekend,” she said, looking at her hands. “It makes it real.”

Cynthia Rose kissed Stacie before leaving the room, closing the door behind her. Stacie moved closer to Chloe, linking their hands together. “She isn’t forgetting about you. Neither of them are. I know you might hate to hear this, but they are adults.”

“But they are leaving me behind. Hell, even you and Cynthia Rose are leaving me behind.”

Stacie gave her a confused look.

“Okay, not physically, but look at the two of you. You live together, you are serious about each other.. and Beca and Aubrey.. Beca clearly cares about Aubrey more than she cared about me if she hasn’t even slept with her yet. Everyone is in some form of a relationship and I feel like a lost little kid.” She put her hands over her eyes, trying to stop the tears. “I don’t know what I am going to do.”

“I am going to tell you something that you are not going to believe right now, and you might not believe it for a while,” Stacie said, her arm wrapping around Chloe’s shoulders. “You don’t need to have a significant other to be happy, Chloe. I know it is hard to listen to coming from someone in a relationship, but it is the truth. Do you know why it took me so long to say yes to Cynthia Rose?”

Chloe shook her head.

“She wanted me in her life, but she did nothing but beat herself up about her faults. I wanted her to be happy with herself and proud of herself, because if you are not at that level of love with yourself, there is no way that you can really love someone else. It isn’t my place to really assume anything, but think about this and look back at your relationship with Beca.” She gave Chloe’s hand a reassuring squeeze before leaving the room.

Chloe stretched out on the bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to let Stacie’s words sink in. She knew she didn’t love herself, but she didn’t think that had anything to do with her ability to love someone else. Beca had been everything she wanted since that day at the activities fair. The right amount of mystery and sass with a killer smile. She got to watch Beca grow over that year, and it only made it harder to detach herself from the younger woman.

They had been the best of friends, the worst of lovers. Beca had been right, one of them should have had enough sense to end the relationship. They might have stood a better chance as a one-night stand, if Chloe had been more focused on herself instead of what she thought she needed the most. Her fixation on Beca was going to destroy her, but she didn’t want it to stop.

She rolled onto her side, reaching over for the pills. It took her a minute to open the containers, dropping one from each into the palm of her hand and looking at them. They were going to make her get better. She had to keep that mantra in her head. As long as she kept taking these pills, she would get better. Plus, she had made Cynthia Rose a deal, and if she let herself get lost, she wouldn’t be there to help her friend out.

Chloe knew she had failed her once already. She knew her friends either didn’t know she was awake or didn’t know how loud they were being, but Cynthia Rose had gone to a poker game and lost big. Stacie had threatened to walk out the door and not come back, but their voices had hushed after that point to where Chloe couldn’t hear them anymore. She tilted her head back, swallowing the pills before reaching over and taking a long drink from the bottle of water.

Rolling off the bed, she headed into the living room, noticing that the other women were sitting on either end of the couch. She could almost feel the tension in the room. Taking a seat between them, she looked at the floor, wringing her hands together. “I don’t know how to love myself,” she said, breaking the silence. From the corner of her eye, she swore she could see Stacie smirking. “I thought about it, and I realized that. I don’t know.. I can’t.. I can’t find anything about me to love.”

“You have plenty about you to love,” Cynthia Rose said.

“No, I have plenty about me that others seem to love but I don’t see why,” she said. “I am so fucking sick of people telling me that there is so much about me to love. I hate when people try to fucking cheer me up.” She stood up quickly, returned to her room and dug through her bag for her wallet and keys before grabbing a jacket. “I’m going out. I’ll be back.”

Before either woman could answer, she was out the door and to her car. She didn’t know where she was going to go, but right now driving seemed like the right answer. So she drove.

\---

“Aubrey, we have a problem,” Cynthia Rose said, phone pressed to her ear as she looked at Stacie. “Chloe left four days ago, and we haven’t heard from her since.” She bit her lip, looking to the nightstand, eyes locked on the two pill bottles.


	7. Take Me From This Place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HERE. THERE. BE. SMUT.

Chloe looked at the piece of paper in her hand, making sure she was reading Aubrey’s handwriting correctly. Her eyes glanced up at the apartment building, noting how it seemed to be more windows than anything. She walked in, noticing that there was a front desk and a clear glass door with a card reader, barring non-residents from just walking in. “Can I help you?” the woman behind the desk said.

Chloe approached slowly. “Yeah. My friend Beca lives in apartment 602, and I am here as a surprise..” she said, forcing a smile. The woman looked at her for a long moment before matching her smile.

“I am not supposed to do this, but go on up,” she said, pushing a button under the desk. Chloe heard the latch on the door to the side unclick.

“Thank you,” she said, walking through the door and opting for the stairs instead of the elevator. She was slightly out of breath by the time she reached the sixth floor, but she quickly composed herself as she made her way to the door.

When she had started driving, she never saw herself ending up in Los Angeles, but once she realized where she was heading, she couldn’t turn back. She felt guilty for leaving her meds, but she didn’t need them for this. She was here for one reason, and in her head, it was perfectly justifiable.

She had to know how Beca felt. She needed to know she was committed. So when she knocked on the door and Beca opened it, wiping sleep from her eyes and wearing that tank top and pajama pant look that made her look so much smaller than she was, Chloe kissed her, hard. The force knocked Beca into the apartment, her back hitting the wall hard.

Beca fought her at first, but only for a moment, before their hands linked and she was kissing Chloe back. The shorter woman led them to the bedroom, turning to push Chloe onto the bed, climbing on top of her, hands pushing her jacket off of her shoulders. The redhead fought with the buttons on her shirt, finally succeeding in undoing them, removing the fabric as Beca peeled off her tank top.

Chloe leaned up, placing a trail of kisses from the brunettes neck to the valley between her breasts, her hands working ardently, tweaking the nipples, eliciting soft moans from Beca’s mouth. Suddenly, she pushed the redhead back, smirking when she realized the womans bra hooked in the front. She removed the fabric, her mouth finding a nipple, circling her tongue as her hands undid Chloe’s jeans, sliding them off, taking her underwear with them. Without missing a beat, her fingers expertly slid into her.

Chloe groaned, her hips moving in time with Beca’s hand, pushing her own hand below the waistband of Beca’s pajama pants, rubbing slow circles over her clit before letting her fingers slide through the wetness, entering the younger woman roughly. They moved together, falling into a familiar rhythm. Chloe quickened her pace as she felt Beca’s breathing become more ragged, using her free hand to hold the woman closer to her.

Despite her best efforts to hold out, Chloe came first, a guttural moan escaping her lips. Beca fell shortly after her, causing Chloe’s blood to run cold when the only word that she heard in the breathing was a soft, “Aubrey.”

Beca seemed to catch herself before Chloe could fully comprehend what she had heard. The brunette was searching the floor for her tanktop, throwing it on before falling to her knees in the middle of the bedroom, her head in her hands. Chloe found her clothes, pulling them on before walking into the living room. She sat down on the couch and stared straight ahead, her brain running a million miles an hour.

It had been a mistake. She knew that. Beca was on the floor crying because Chloe had caught her off guard, coerced her into something she shouldn’t have done. The guilt was almost blinding. She laid down on the couch, closing her eyes, letting the dull ache in her chest lull her to sleep.

The clock on the cable box said it was just after seven at night when she woke up, and there were voices floating in from the bedroom. She slowly moved down the hall,sitting just outside the door.

“I got a call this afternoon at work from Cynthia Rose saying Chloe had disappeared four days ago and she was here?!” Aubrey snapped.

“I swear to you, she has only been here for two hours. She was tired as fuck from driving across the country, so she fell asleep on the couch. I.. I didn’t think to call you because I didn’t know that she had run off!” Beca replied, her voice tense.

“Is she okay, though? Cynthia Rose was really worried about her, but wouldn’t tell me why she was so worried.”

Chloe closed her eyes, her head gently resting against the wall.

“She’s fine. Look, Aubrey, I have to tell you something.”

Chloe’s eyes snapped open, her head turning towards the door.

“We agreed to be honest with each other, and I have never hidden anything from you, and I cannot start now. When Chloe got her.. she kissed me the second I opened the door.. and I didn’t stop her. I led us the bedroom and I continued everything. We slept together and it was my fault because I didn’t stop her and I didn’t realize what I was doing until I came and I said your name.”

Silence. Footsteps. The door opened and Chloe looked up, noticing Aubrey looking down at her, tears in her eyes. “You’re my best friend,” she whispered, stepping past her and walking into the living room. Chloe got up and moved after her, Beca close behind.

“Aubrey, say something to me!” Beca cried.

The blonde stopped in the middle of the room and turned around. “I want both of you to listen to my very, very fucking carefully, got it?”

Both women nodded.

“Beca, this hurts, but I do have to respect that you didn’t hide it from me. You told me almost immediately after I got home. But that doesn’t change that you slept with my best friend in our bed. The bed that you were so fucking eager to break in last week. The bed that was always supposed to be tied to that in our memories. You destroyed that, Beca. You.. until further notice, you are in there alone. I’ll sleep in the guest bedroom.”

She turned on Chloe, who was hunched over on the floor, her head in her hands.

“You are my best fucking friend, and you drive across the country, show up unannounced and sleep with my girlfriend. I can’t even begin to think of the words to describe how fucked up that is! I get that you are a fucking child over all of this, but that does not give you the right to still act like Beca is yours! You fucked that relationship up, Chloe, and you can’t go back. Beca moved on! Get the fuck over it! You need to grow up. I can’t always look out for you. I have to have my own life, and if I choose to have that life with Beca, then you need to suck it up!” she yelled. She took a few breaths, looking around the living room, before turning back to Chloe. “You drove out here, so you have made sure that I can’t just throw you on a plane to get you out of my sight.. you can sleep on the couch tonight and I want you fucking gone by the time I get home from work tomorrow, understood?”

Chloe nodded, wiping the tears from her eyes as Aubrey stormed past her, shoulder knocking into her roughly. She took a few deep breaths before turning and following Aubrey into the spare bedroom, grabbing her arm. “I’m not okay, Aubrey!” she cried, trying to get her friend to meet her eyes. “Remember when I said I was scared? When I thought there was something wrong with me?”

Aubrey wrenched her arm out of Chloe’s grip, looking between her and Beca, who had stopped in the doorway. “So?” she scoffed.

“Something is wrong with me. I went and saw a doctor.” She turned and looked at Beca. “I heard you tell Aubrey that you were diagnosed with depression when you were a teenager and you took pills to make you better. I went to a doctor, and he diagnosed me with bi-polar. He put me on meds and I thought they were helping me.” She sat down on the bed, staring at the floor. “Stacie told me that I needed to love myself before I could love anyone else, but I couldn’t find anything to love about myself. And I just.. I got sick of them telling me that there was something about me to love.”

She looked up, seeing Aubrey leaning against the wall and Beca sitting on the floor, hands over her mouth.

“I took off, and I didn’t take my meds with me.. I haven’t had them in four days, and somewhere on my drive here.. which didn’t even start out being to here it just kind of happened, you know? Well, somewhere along the way I got this idea in my head that if.. that if I showed Beca that her and I still flowed, then she would realize I could be good for her. But she said your name, Bree! Because no matter what I was doing to her, she was thinking about you because she loves you and I am being left behind!”

“No one is leaving you behind, Chloe,” Aubrey said, her voice softer. “How long have you been taking these meds?”

“Just over two months.”

Aubrey sighed, running her fingers through her hair. “I’ll sleep on the couch, you stay in here.” She turned to the door, looking at Beca. “I don’t want to see you right now,” she whispered, stepping around her and into the living room. She dug her phone out of her bag, pulling up a number before pressing the phone to her ear. “Cyn, she’s here. Yeah. I came home from work and she was asleep on the couch. Look.. she told me about her.. problem. I don’t know how long she will be here, but I need you to overnight those meds here. And throw in some clothes for her. I can pay you back.. let me pay you back.. please.. fine. I’ll make sure she takes them. Bye.”

Chloe slowly moved into the living room, sitting on the couch next to the blonde. “I’m sorry, Aubrey, and I will say it every day for the rest of my life if it can take away just a fraction of your hurt. I think I suffered some kind of break, and I am not trying to make excuses for what I did, because there is no excuse.”

Aubrey turned, looking at the redhead. “Chloe, what I don’t get about all this.. mental illness or not.. is why you can’t just be happy for me?”

She looked at her hands, shaking her head. “I don’t think I am capable of being happy for anyone, Aubrey. Look, I can get a hotel. You and Beca need to talk.. and this whole thing is my fault. I am the one who messed up, not her, so don’t punish her.”

“She should have known better, though, that’s the thing! She should have known enough to stop you when you kissed her. I don’t know, maybe I was fooling myself when I thought she could care about me more than she ever cared about you.”

“No, you’re right. Aubrey, she didn’t even try and deny or hide anything. She flat out told you what happened. She doesn’t want to lose you. I am going to wait until the stuff from Cynthia Rose gets here, and then I am going to leave. Not just go back home, but.. I am going to leave you and Beca alone.”

Aubrey remained silent.

“I hate losing two of the people I love the most, but it is the only way that you and Beca can be happy.”


	8. Fall Back Into My Life

She had almost lost Aubrey. She might still lose Aubrey. That night, she had cried herself to sleep, and had somehow managed to sleep through the day. She had awoken and Chloe was gone. She had lost Chloe. Aubrey had said there was nothing she could have said to get the redhead to change her mind. It hurt her more than she wanted to admit that their friend had cut them out of their life, but with the battle they were about to storm through, maybe it had been for the better.

She didn’t know if her and Aubrey were going to make it through. Aubrey had been right to say what she did to Beca. The brunette had messed up, but she held onto the fact that Aubrey hadn’t walked out. It gave her some sense of hope that things might be okay again. They were, but not at first. Aubrey had thrown herself into her work, leaving Beca to fend for herself on most nights. She was sure Aubrey was sleeping at her office. Beca spent more time trying to find a job, getting more and more depressed the more times she heard no.

Aubrey was supposed to be her rock during rejection, and she knew on most nights the blonde was home, she could hear Beca crying herself to sleep in the bedroom. It had been a shock to her when, one night, three months after the events, the bed dipped and Aubrey had her arms around her, crying. Nothing had been said that night, but in the morning, Aubrey was back on the couch, sitting up with her focus on the television. She sat down in the chair, her focus on the blonde. “Thank you,” she said, her voice low.

“For?” The emotionless tone of Aubrey’s voice made Beca physically cringe.

Against her better judgement, she moved to the couch, lifting her hands to turn Aubrey’s face to her. “Thank you for coming to bed last night. I don’t think it is anything near forgiveness or acceptance, but it means so much to me. I needed that last night, Bree. I needed to feel your arms around me,” she said, trying to fight the tears in her eyes. She hated crying.

“It was nothing. I just needed a night that wasn’t the guest bed or the couch in my office,” she said, not trying to pull away.

“It was everything to me.”

Aubrey shook her head, closing her eyes. “Please. Don’t do this.”

“Don’t do what, Aubrey? It has been three months and this is the most we have talked. Don’t you think we have let it stew for enough time? Can we please discuss this and what we are going to do about it? Are you going to leave? Are you going to stay? Tell me what you are going to do.”

Aubrey opened her eyes again, bringing her hands up to hold on to Beca’s. “I am still hurting. It still hurts. The second I think I can start to work past it, I get hit with this new wave and it just cripples me. Some days I have had a hard time getting out of bed. Nights I sleep at the office, I can’t even make it to my desk for hours. It just.. it physically hurts when I think about it too much. I mean, in college, I know for a fact I was the other woman more than once, but I never thought what it felt like to be the person that wasn’t good enough.”

Beca remained silent, biting on her bottom lip as Aubrey squeezed her hands.

“That’s how I feel, Beca. That I am not good enough. You knew my fears about you and Chloe and then it all came true and for that split second, it felt like my world was falling down around me. You made it come true, and no matter how much Chloe blames herself for it, you had just as much of a part in it. You could have stopped it at any time, but you didn’t. You led her, not just into our home, but into our bed.” She let go of Beca’s hands, wiping at her own eyes. “You didn’t stop it, Beca, how is that supposed to make me feel?”

“I don’t know,” she whispered, looking at her hands.

“I don’t want to leave you. I want to find a way for us to work past this. I want us to be stronger because of it, but it is hard. I look at you and I see two things. I see the woman I love, but I also see the woman who betrayed me. I know I am repeating myself, and that is a habit I need to break, but I don’t know how else to get my point across. But I am not going to leave you. I don’t know what is going to happen immediately, but I am not leaving you. I know I could have been a little less cold these past few months. I am going to try and get better at that first. You are still my girlfriend, know that, but I think we need to slow down and figure out what we both want out of this.”

Beca nodded.

“You can talk, too, you know.”

Beca nodded again, taking a deep breath. “You know how badly I suck at words and feelings.. so.. give me a second to kind of.. try and gather what I want to say, yeah?” she asked, watching Aubrey nod. “I am not going to beg for you to forgive me. I will never beg you to do that, because I think no matter what happens from here on out, this is never going to be something that can be forgiven. I am aware of how badly I messed up. You are right. I should have stopped her. I could have. All it would have taken is me saying no, and pushing her away, but instead I kissed her back, and I took her to our room.”

She wiped her eyes.

“Last night, when I felt the bed move, it dawned on me that it happened to be the first time in three months you had touched the bed. It was the first time in three months that you spent more than sixty seconds in the bedroom. This was supposed to be our home and our safe and happy place, and I ruined that. This next part may come out a little wrong, but bare with me. I’ve needed you, Aubrey. Living in Los Angeles and trying to make it with music is all I have ever wanted to do, and all I keep hearing is no, did you know that? I haven’t even gotten a second look from anyone. Do you know how much that affects me?”

Aubrey shook her head.

“This has been my dream, and nothing is happening with it. I used to think I was the shit, but I’m not. I am not as good at this as I have always made myself out to be. No one wants to take a chance on me, and that scares the fuck out of me. After everything I went through to have my dad agree to help me move out here and get on my feet, what happens if I don’t get on my feet? I’m scared, Aubrey, and because of a stupid choice I have alienated the one person that can make me feel safe and secure. You weren’t touching me or holding me or even talking to me, and without Chloe, I had no one. I was stuck locking myself up because I didn’t have a way out. I had no one to talk to or to tell me that it will be okay.”

“Beca..”

“No, you said I get to talk, so listen. Please. I want to find a way to fix us. I can sit here and repeat over and over how much of a mistake it was and how sorry I am, but I know that it won’t do anything to help. I want to find a way to make this better, because I love you. I want you to know that it will never happen again, and if it does, I will personally kick my own ass out of your life forever. I don’t want to face this world without you. But, Aubrey, remember, I am about to turn twenty three. I am still a kid, in some aspects. I am learning things the only way I can, and that is by falling on my face and hoping that when I get up, I still have the things I need.”

Aubrey remained silent.

“My only relationship before this was with Chloe. I never opened up to anyone until her, and we can see how much that destroyed me. I cared so much about her, and that made me stumble and fall when I thought I had pushed everything down and she threw herself at me. I lost control of everything in that moment, and I don’t know why I never told her to stop. I was thinking about you, through everything. It was your mouth on mine and your hands touching me and your body pressing me to the bed. It was all you, but it wasn’t, and my brain and my body just couldn’t seem to match up in time. I am still growing up, and there are plenty more mistakes I am going to make before I feel like I can call myself an adult. I just need to know that the next time I fall, you are going to be there to help me pick up the pieces.”

Beca stood from the couch, heading back into the bedroom and curling up under the covers. It was less than five minutes after that, that she felt Aubrey climb into the bed and wrap her arms around her. “I love you,” she whispered, kissing the side of her head. “I really do. I promise I do.” The brunette turned, curling into her girlfriend, and finally let herself cry.

Then things moved smoother. Aubrey stopped sleeping at the office. Some nights she would still sleep in the guest room, but she told Beca that was more because she spent so much time in the living room going over paperwork that she never quite had the energy to make it much further, and Beca didn’t question it. She found herself going out with a new level of motivation, ready to knock down doors for someone to give her a chance.

It was eight months later that she got the phone call from this startup label, Red Rebel, that she had dropped off a disc at the previous week. They wanted an in-house producer, and they liked her ambition. She didn’t tell Aubrey about the job, not yet, because there was something she needed before she felt like it was the right time. It came after another two months and four paychecks.

Looking at the clock, she figured that Aubrey was walking down the hallway to their apartment at that moment. Sure enough, moments later, the front door opened and Aubrey came in, dropping her purse on the table before looking at the woman standing in the middle of the room. “What are you doing?” she asked, a smile on her face.

“I got a job.”

Aubrey laughed, her arms going around her girlfriends neck. “I knew you could do it!”

“I got a job two months ago.”

The blonde pulled back, a confused look on her face. “Why did you wait two months to say something?”

Beca smirked. “We have been through so much in our relationship. I’ve hurt you and we have fought and said words we didn’t mean and along the way we still managed to do nothing but fall more in love with each other. I meant it when I said I never wanted to be in this world without you, Aubrey, and that is why I have one very important question to ask you.” She reached into her pocket, removing the small box she had bought the previous week. Dropping to one knee, she flipped the box open, the way she had spent two hours that afternoon practicing. “Aubrey Posen, will you marry me?”


	9. We Think We're Hardcore, Cause Well, We Are

Chloe looked at the envelope, her hands shaking. Cynthia Rose sat on the couch next to her, holding an identical one. “If we both got the same exact thing, it has to be something important,” she said, looking at the redhead. Chloe nodded, flipping the envelope over and sliding her finger under the flap, the only sound in the room being the paper ripping. It was one of those picture cards. Aubrey and Beca, looking at each other, smiles on their faces. Chloe’s eyes trailed to the bottom where, in fancy script, were the words:

SAVE THE DATE.  
November 5, 2017.

Chloe felt the air leave her lungs in a rush, leaving her head spinning. The laminated paper fell to the floor as she stood up, rushing for the bathroom. She was going to be sick. She knew it. She dropped to her knees in front of the toilet, dry heaves making her body lurch, but nothing was coming out. Her head was still spinning and her heart was pounding. She leaned against the tub, closing her eyes as violent sobs began to shake her whole body.

Not only had they worked through Beca’s infidelity, they were getting married. The thought sent a new wave of tears over her, causing her body to slide completely to the floor, curling into a ball. She could feel someone sitting her up and it took another five minutes of tears before she could make out Stacie’s face. “Come on, Chloe, stand up,” she said, her voice soft. She let the younger woman help her up, relieved when she felt her bed greeting her.

“I was doing okay, right? I was happy,” she choked out, trying to fight off more tears. “I spent a fucking year on getting happy and they think they have the right to fucking destroy it?”

“Chloe, calm down,” Stacie mumbled, putting her hands on either side of her face. “Calm down.”

The redhead shook her off, sitting up on the bed, her breathing shallow. “I don’t need to calm down!” she yelled, pushing Stacie away hard enough to knock the other woman off of the bed. “This is bullshit! This isn’t how it was supposed to be!”

“Cyn!” Stacie yelled, trying to put her hands on the redheads shoulders. Cynthia Rose ran into the room, looking between the two women. “She won’t calm down and I don’t know what to do!”

Cynthia Rose put her hands on either side of Chloe’s face, forcing her to look in her eyes. “Chloe, you need to calm down, okay? Look at me. Breathe.” Her voice was quiet and even, her breathing in a slow pattern, trying to get Chloe to mimic it. After a few seconds, Chloe finally let her breathing even out, leaning back on the bed. “There we go,” she whispered. “It’s gonna be okay. It’s a lot to take in, but you are strong, remember?”

Chloe nodded. “Strong.” She closed her eyes, working on her breathing.

“We will be right back, Chloe, okay?” Cynthia Rose asked, waiting for the redhead to nod before she pulled Stacie out of the room. They stopped in the kitchen, the furthest from Chloe’s bedroom they could get. “Aubrey and Beca are getting married.”

“Shit,” Stacie said, leaning against the counter. “Why did they send Chloe one of those things? Are they trying to set her off?” she snapped, keeping her voice quiet.

“I don’t see them causing this on purpose. Chloe has been happy, and working past everything, but she is still fragile, as much as she chooses to ignore it.” Cynthia Rose looked at Stacie, grabbing her hips and pulling her close. “I don’t want to call Aubrey and Beca horrible friends, but they are. When it comes time to RSVP for their wedding, I don’t want to go. We have been here when Chloe needed people the most, and that would just be a slap in the face if we went to their wedding, right?”

Stacie leaned down, kissing Cynthia Rose before shaking her head. “We don’t have to go. Maybe you and me and Chloe can go off somewhere fancy for the weekend to keep her mind off of it, yeah?” Her gaze moved to the bedroom door, noticing Chloe wasn’t on the bed anymore. “Where did she go?”

Cynthia Rose moved to the bedroom door. “Her purse is gone.” She looked in the cupboard in the bathroom. “Fuck. Her pills are still here.”

“I’m calling Aubrey and Beca,” Stacie said, her phone already pressed to her ear. “You’re little fucking stunt with the save the date card just fucked Chloe up. She ran off without her meds,” she snapped. “No, I don’t want to hear some sorry fucking excuse! You had to have known what it was going to do to her!” Her jaw dropped, quickly clenching her teeth before turning away from Cynthia Rose. “We were busy trying to figure out how to prevent something like this happening! You can’t fucking pin this on us. If you two had thought things through a little more than you could have stopped this.”

She ended the call and tossed her phone onto the couch. “I take it that didn’t go well?”

“Beca blamed us! She said if we had been paying attention we would have seen her leave! I mean, for fucks sake, Chloe is twenty-seven! She is an adult. We aren’t supposed to treat her like a child! They are the ones that should have thought it through better. Beca didn’t even sound sorry,” Stacie said, tears in her eyes. “Why do we have to be the ones who care? It’s like Chloe walked out of their lives so they stopped caring.”

\--

She didn’t go to California. She didn’t want to go ruin the happy couple. So she drove South. She found herself on her parents doorstep, in tears, with her mother’s arms around her. She couldn’t explain her sadness, so she let her mother lead her to her old room and tuck her in. She woke up two days later, staring at the window instead of climbing out of the bed. Her mom would come check on her, because that was just how she was. So Chloe yanked herself from the bed, changing into the pair of loose pajamas that were sitting on the dresser. She trudged down the stairs, finding her parents in the living room. “Nice to see you awake,” Jillian said, standing up to wrap her arms around Chloe. “Want to tell us what sparked this visit?”

She sat down on the couch, looking at her hands. “I just needed a vacation. So, remember how I told you that Beca and Aubrey were together? Well, I guess they are getting married later this year. I don’t know how that makes me feel, you know? My best friend and my ex are going to be getting married. I am allowed to be upset about that, right?” she asked, her voice soft.

Jillian looked to Richard, her hand rubbing small circles on Chloe’s back. “You are definitely allowed to be upset about that, Chloe.”

She nodded. “I didn’t bring anything with me, mom. No clothes.. nothing,” she said, ignoring the urge to tell her parents about her mental health. She didn’t want to worry them, though, by telling them that She knew she was going to do something stupid eventually, but she didn’t care anymore. Right now, she had the two people in her life who cared about her no matter what, and she knew it wasn’t going to be a situation where they kicked her out and sent her to solve her own problems.

“We can take care of that later on,” Jillian said, her arm encircling her daughter. “We were a bit worried about you, though. I’ve never seen you sleep for two days straight.”

“I just hadn’t been sleeping,” she replied. “I mean, I had, but it hadn’t been good. I think just being back in that room where I have all these amazing memories.. it helped calm me down. I hadn’t been able to get a decent nights sleep, and I guess it just finally caught up with me.” She remained silent for a moment. “I am going to go lay back down, yeah? I brought my computer with me and I just want to let my roommates know I am alright, since I kind of left in a hurry.”

“I’ll bring you some dinner later on,” Richard said, smiling as Chloe moved over to him and wrapped her arms around him tightly.

She made her way back to the bedroom, pulling her laptop and power cord from her backpack, plugging it into the wall before sitting with her back to the wall. Her phone had long since died, and her e-mail inbox was filled with worried messages from Cynthia Rose and Stacie. She opened Skype, noting that Stacie was signed on. She started the video call, not missing the look of relief on her face when she noticed Chloe on the other end. “We have been worried sick about you,” she said. “Are you okay?”

Chloe nodded. “I am at my parents down in Miami. My phone died, and I was asleep for the past couple of days. I just.. I needed to get away. I heard you and Cyn in the kitchen and I just.. I felt like such a burden, so I packed a few things and left. Neither of you noticed, and I kind of wanted it that way.”

“You didn’t bring your meds.”

“Yeah,” she said, looking down. “Think you can mail them down? I won't tell my parents about them but I promise I will take them."

Stacie nodded. "Anything else you need? How long are you going to be gone?"

Chloe shrugged. "I don't know how long I will be down here. You can send some of my clothes, though. I haven't been here in years and I don't know what still fits from what mom has packed away. And I don't want to have to go buy a whole new wardrobe. Just let me know how much it all is and I can pay you and Cyn back, okay? I really am sorry for how I just ran off. I was overwhelmed with everything and it was so stupid to just leave without telling you two."

"Don't stress yourself out about it. We just want you to be okay. And maybe with your parents is the best place for you right now. Cyn has been on the phone yelling at Beca for two hours now. It's getting old," she said, smiling. "I know I shouldn't tell you this, but Beca tried to pin you running off on us. She had no right to send that card to you, and she knows that. She just won't admit it.”

“I’ve given up on caring what she thinks,” Chloe said, running her fingers through her hair. “I am going to get some more sleep.” She ended the call before Stacie could respond. Closing her laptop, she climbed off of the bed and reached into her bag, grabbing the bottle of sleeping pills and headed down the hall to the study. She closed the door behind her, easily finding the bottle of bourbon her dad kept in the desk. She poured a handful of the pills into her hand, looking at them for a moment. She used her free hand to grab a pen and paper, scribbling on it quickly.

Before she could think about it, she threw the pills into her mouth, taking drinks of the alcohol to wash them down in waves. She waited, and then it was there. The feeling of weightlessness. She stood up, wobbly, knocking the glass bottle to the floor, cringing when it shattered loudly. There were footsteps now, running to the door, bursting it open.

“M’sorry,” she mumbled, falling forward into her dads arms. She held up the paper in her hands, watching her mom read it as her vision went blurry. “I’m..” she whispered, her world going black as the worry and panic set into her mothers features.


	10. Runaway

Aubrey looked at her phone again, resting her feet on the suitcase she had sitting in front of her. Beca had disappeared to find food almost a half an hour ago. The blonde easily found Jillian’s number in her phone. She tapped the screen, listening as it rang three times before connecting. “Aubrey?”

“Hey, our flight was delayed a couple of hours, so we are going to be getting in a little later than planned. We can just grab a hotel if it is too late to swing by when we get in,” she said, trying to ignore the dull throb forming behind her eyes.

“Nonsense. You can stay at the house. No use spending all that money on a hotel.” The line was quiet for a moment. “Have you told Beca about the note yet?” she asked.

“No,” Aubrey replied. “She is already freaking out and blaming herself as it is. I don’t think she needs to know that Chloe blames her, too,” she said, making sure Beca wasn’t approaching. “I was planning on telling her when we got settled down there. How is Chloe doing?”

“Better than she was the other day. She is awake now, more alert, back on meds. Cynthia Rose and Stacie got down here this morning, and she seemed happy to see them. I never thought I would need to keep this close of an eye on my twenty-seven year old daughter.”

“If Chloe had her way, you would never have known anything, Jillian. The only reason she told Beca and myself.. did she ever tell you what happened in California?”

“No.”

“I guess she got fed up with something, and she got in the car and drove across the country. She didn’t bring her meds. She showed up, surprised Beca.. and.. they.. basically, Beca cheated on me. It was when Beca was completely honest with me about it that Chloe told us about her diagnosis. She decided to cut herself out of our lives. From what we had heard from Cyn and Stacie, she was doing fine, and we didn’t think anything of sending out the save the date cards.”

“Don’t start blaming yourself, Bree,” Jillian said, her voice soft.

“You know as well as I do that I have a part in this. I should have thought. Just because she was happy, doesn’t mean she was ready to hear that Beca and I were getting married. I mean, it isn’t like I am going to rethink asking Beca or being thankful that she said yes in the first place, but this is always going to hang over us and we just have to figure out how to work through it.” She looked up, seeing Beca walking back towards them, food in hand. “I’ll see you at the house tonight, Jillian. Don’t.. don’t tell Chloe we are coming, yeah?”

“Secret is safe with me, Bree. Have a safe flight.”

“Thanks,” she replied, pulling the phone away from her ear and ending the call. Beca plopped into the seat next to her. “That was Chloe’s mom. She said we can stay at the house instead of spending money on a hotel.”

Beca handed Aubrey a box of pizza, smiling. “Well, that is nice of her,” she mumbled. “I got you that weird cheese and tomato pizza you like. Seriously, if we went to a CPK anywhere else, this would be about fifteen bucks for the two of us. I just spent almost forty dollars on two fucking pizzas and some drinks. This is why I hate being in airports longer than needed.”

“Jesus. But, hey, at least we know it is food we will like,” she said, taking a bite of her pizza. “Have you ever been to Miami?”

Beca shook her head. “Chloe.. Chloe and I were going to go visit a few times, but our schedules never really worked out. I remember once.. her parents came up to Atlanta. Jillian and Richard, right? God, how horrible is it that I was with her for almost a year and I only met her parents once? I can’t count how many times I have seen yours.”

“About fifty times more than either of us would like?” Aubrey offered.

“Yeah. I still think they hate me.”

“Hmm. You have those ear monstrosities.. and those tattoos.. so much about you to hate, Beca Mitchell.”

“Well, tell me how you really feel,” she replied, leaning over and placing a soft kiss on Aubrey’s cheek.

“I love the way your mouth hangs open a little when you are working on a mix. Like, you just get so into it that you seem to forget the world around you. I swear sometimes you forget to breath. The way the corners of your mouth turn up ever so slightly when you find something you like. One of my favorite things to come home to is you on the couch, more often than not sound asleep, with your laptop on your legs and your headphones around your neck. They way you look when you sleep.. I don’t know if I will ever know the right words to explain how it makes me feel, but I love it. And, for the record, despite any previous statements I have ever made, I love your tattoos and your ear monstrosities,” she said, her voice low.

Beca smirked. “Man, did you ever get lucky. I sound like quite the catch.”

“As cheesy as it sounds, I am so glad I took a chance,” she whispered, resting their foreheads together. She bit down on her bottom lip.

“Now tell me what is really on your mind.”

“I’m worried about Chloe. I mean, the first time she went off her meds, she just drove across the country.. but.. she tried to kill herself, Beca. How are we supposed to feel about that? I know you say I need to get over it, but I still have moments where I don’t know where I stand. As her best friend, I am worried sick about her mental health. What if her parents hadn’t been home? Or if they just hadn’t heard the bottle breaking?”

“I can’t let myself think about that, Aubrey.” She sighed. “I went to see my doctor a few days ago, because despite the meds, I had been feeling down. She had to up the dosage, and that scares me. I know this is supposed to be about Chloe, but I am just so scared that my own problems will keep getting worse until even an unhealthy level of medication won’t be able to chase away the demons.”

Aubrey thought about her answer for a moment. “Beca, I need you to listen very carefully to me, okay?”

Beca nodded.

“Finding out that Chloe tried to kill herself was an emotional blow to both of us. If it messed with your depression, that is completely understandable. You still have so much love for her and you worry about her. Just because your doctor had to up your meds this once, does not mean it is going to keep happening. I already plan on doing my best to make sure you are happy for the rest of your life. I know it is going to be a struggle at times, but I am not going to just leave you behind..” her voice trailed off, noting the look in Beca’s eyes at her words. “That was really insensitive.”

“No, you’re fine in saying it. I.. I wasn’t as strong as you, so I was able to walk away from Chloe when she probably needed me the most. The difference in this? She never told me that she needed me. She never felt safe enough to. But.. when I get low, Bree, I know the first thing I am going to do is call you. Chloe didn’t feel like she had that, and I know that is my fault. If I had given her and I more of a chance.. Bree, I should have seen the signs.”

Aubrey remained silent, linking her fingers with Beca’s.

“I sit here and I look back and all I can see is that she was so clearly depressed, and I didn’t do anything to help it. I should have stayed and been there for her and let her open up to me when she was ready, but instead I just booked it out of there and ran away from the problems. We were still talking and hanging out after a while and I didn’t think anything of it, because she looked happy! But then we told her about us..”

“..which she already knew about,” Aubrey pointed out.

“Not the point. The fact is, we verified her thoughts, and that made it worse because we were admitting that we had been lying to her. What kind of friends does that make us? Yeah, we were happy, and even now.. now it seems like we are still putting our own happiness above her. We flaunted it, and it broke her. You tried to tell me not to send that notice to her, but I didn’t want to lie to her again. Can you imagine what would have happened if everyone had to blow her off one day and she found out it was because of our wedding? I am sick of lying to her.”

“Can you take two seconds and see where I am coming from on this, Beca? You’ve told me plenty of times how when you get a spell, nothing helps you, not even your mixes. You tell me to stay away until it passes so you don’t say something that you regret. Don’t you think the same thing would apply to Chloe? If she was so down, she wouldn’t want anyone to be there for her. Yeah, you walked away, but you know what? It was for the better. The stress of that relationship was something neither of you needed. You have had time to grow and learn, and even make mistakes,” she said, her voice hitching as she alluded to the incident in Los Angeles, “but you both came out stronger, even if Chloe doesn’t see that yet.”

Beca looked at their hands, her eyes settling on the ring on her finger.

“Chloe is going to be fine. This is a rough time for her, and I want to show her that just because we are happy and getting married.. that doesn’t mean that we don’t want her in our lives. Chloe was the first person to be nice to me at Barden, and she has meant so much to me since then, okay? When Jillian called me and told me what had happened, my heart shattered and I didn’t know how to fix it.” She looked up, watching as their flight started to board. “Shit. Promise me if we stop this here, we can pick it up again once we are in Florida?” she asked, her eyes meeting Beca’s. The brunette nodded.

* * *

 

Beca set her bag down by the bedroom door and moved to the bed, sitting down to remove her sneakers. “If I said I wanted to sleep instead of talk, would that be me chickening out?” she asked, looking up at Aubrey. The blonde sighed, sitting on the bed next to her. “Fine. We can talk. You didn’t say a word to me on the flight, and I got bored with my mixes about five seconds after you fell asleep.”

“I didn’t really think a crowded airplane was the place to continue the conversation, Beca.”

“Understandable.”

Aubrey took a deep breath, reaching into her pocket for the piece of paper Jillian had handed her when they entered the house. “When Chloe was passing out, she handed this to her mom,” she said, handing it slowly to Beca. “Wait until I am out of the room to read it, okay?”

Beca nodded, watching her finacée stand up and leave the room. She unfolded the paper slowly, bracing herself for what she might find.

_Beca,_

_I loved you. I shut you out, but I loved you. Part of me wanted to be left alone, but a larger part of me just wanted you to help and didn’t know how to voice it. I wanted you to see that I was alone and scared and lost, but instead you told me that you couldn’t do it and you walked away. Do you know how much that hurt me? I know it had to have hurt you, too, but not on the level that it hurt me. You gave up on us, Beca. You gave up on me._

_I don’t feel like Aubrey took you from me, but the fact that my best friend decided that the person she spent the better part of a year despising was the one she wanted to be with.. the one she wanted to marry? That gave me a whole new feeling of hurt. I gave you all the signs you needed to see, Beca, and you ignored them. I told you and Aubrey about my mental health and the both of you still let me leave that apartment._

_Did you actually believe Cynthia Rose and Stacie when they told you I was happy? Because they sure believed me. It was so easy to put on a fake smile and pretend like I was taking my meds. They need to learn to make sure I swallow them. Sometimes, I think they are so caught up in their own lives that I was just a burden, you know? Cynthia Rose is gambling again, and Stacie doesn’t like that. They try to fight where I can’t hear, but I like that they fight. It shows that they are not perfect. I couldn’t take another perfect couple in my life._

_I really hope I am dead if you are reading this, Beca, because it is your fault. I just wanted you to help me, but you ran away and you grew up. Everyone grew up and they left me behind, so what is the point of me even trying anymore, Beca? You left me, and now this is all on your hands. I’m not sorry for loving you. I will never be sorry for loving you. But will you be sorry for walking away when I needed you the most?_

_Chloe._

 


	11. Watching Over Me

“How can I face her?” Beca asked, standing outside of the hospital room, her eyes locked on Aubrey’s. “You give me a note -- her suicide note -- that puts all the blame on me, and then expect me to keep myself in check? Bree, I don’t know what to say to her. I don’t even think she would want to see me.” 

“Suck it up, Beca,” Aubrey replied, kissing the top of her head before disappearing into the room. Beca paced back and forth for a few minutes, trying to get her brain to calm down. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door, quietly stepping to the opposite side of the bed Aubrey was on. “I told you she was standing out there.”

Beca gave a small, awkward wave, her eyes not leaving Chloe’s. “I was up all night, reading and rereading the note, trying to think of what I would say to you when I saw you. I think I gave myself a migraine from thinking so much, but now that I see you in front of me, I think I know what I have to say, but I want to make sure you want to hear it. It doesn’t have to be right now. If you want to be back at your parents before, that is fine,” she said. 

“I think.. I want to hear it now. I can hear it now,” she replied, her voice quiet.

Aubrey moved towards the door, stopping when Beca looked at her. “You stay, because you need to hear this.”

The blonde pulled a chair close to the bed and sat down, watching the brunette carefully. 

“I know that you and I never sat down and really talked about me leaving you,” she started, sitting on the edge of the bed and looking at Chloe. “That was my fault. I wanted to somehow feel like I was independent and I knew the second I sat down and saw your tears that I would take everything back. I didn’t want that, though. I didn’t want to come crawling back. I didn’t want you to think that all it would take were some tears and I would come back to you and pretend like everything was okay. That would have simply made us both miserable.”

Chloe bit down on her lip, trying to keep her mouth shut long enough to hear Beca out.

“When you said we should still be friends, I thought things would be okay between us. I thought you were in the place I was. We were young, and you were my first love, but we were in over our heads. In my mind, Chloe, you needed someone who wasn’t me. I was harboring my own secrets about my depression. You didn’t deserve that. I should have been honest with you from the start, but you know as well as I do how hard it is for me to open up, even now.” 

“I thought things were going to be okay, too,” Chloe whispered.

“No, you thought if you gave it enough time, that I would give us another try. Don’t lie to me about that,” Beca said, wiping her eyes. “I was hurting, but I got over it. I knew it was a part of life. Part of me knew that we were never going to be anything when you started to pull away. It just took me a few years to realize that. When I asked Aubrey out, no matter what your mind tells you, I still had you in the front of my mind. She was there for me when I was crying over you, and she managed to stay a third party. She was constantly telling me to think about how you were feeling about it, and after a while that did start to piss me off, but she was right. I was never stopping to think about you. It was always about me, and maybe that was a huge part of all this.”

“Beca..”

“Let me finish, because you let me start and if I don’t get this all out now, it is never going to happen.” She stood up, moving to the window, her back to the other women in the room. “I am a selfish person. I will admit that I put myself before everyone else, even Aubrey. I put music in the forefront of my mind. I have since I was ten, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. You didn’t understand that, Chloe,” she said, turning around. “You expected me to be there for you one hundred percent when I just.. I can’t do that. Aubrey knows it, and she accepts it, and she accepted it a lot faster than you ever would have been able to. I didn’t pick her because she was your best friend and I wanted to hurt you. If that had been the case, we would have flaunted the relationship in front of you.”

“Is this really the most productive thing, Beca?” Aubrey snapped.

“Shut up and listen to me. She said she was okay to hear it so she is going to fucking hear it,” Beca replied, her voice tense. “I am upset with you, Chloe, and I don’t care if you know it or not. I thought you were a better person than this. When I have a problem, or I am down, I know it is my own fault. I don’t write a note blaming you and then drown myself in pills and alcohol.”

“Beca!” Aubrey shouted, standing up. “Stop it!”

Chloe looked at her hands, trying to cover the tears in her eyes. “Why? Because you don’t like what I have to say? How about you, Chloe? Do you want me to stop? No matter how fucking far down I got, I never tried to kill myself and blame someone else. I got helped before it went to that problem because people saw I was hurting and I let them help! This stupid fucking attempt was all on you, and you had no right to blame me just because you got tired of trying to fake it instead of being an adult and telling someone you were hurting!”

“What do you want me to say, Beca?” Chloe spat, finally looking up. “I’m sorry? Why should I believe that you would listen to that?! Because I am sorry and I regret it! Do you know what I have to live with now? I have to live with the look on my mothers face when I passed out! The tears in my father's voice when he held me as I fell! I have to live with those memories for the rest of my miserable fucking life. I don’t take back blaming you, because whether you choose to admit it or not, you did have a part in my downfall and you were just too stupid to realize it!”

Beca took a step back, her mouth dropping open.

“What, you just expected me to sit here and take that? That is bullshit, Beca! I can’t believe you think that I am still hurt over you and Aubrey! You should know better than that! You are just as fucked up in the head as I am, so you know where I am coming from. Just because you never tried to end your life, doesn’t mean you get to belittle me for trying. This is the first time I have heard from either of you in a year!”

“You cut us out!” Beca yelled, taking a step towards the bed. “Every single fucking day I wanted to call you and make sure you were okay, but I knew you wouldn’t answer the phone or read a text message! You shut us out, Chloe, again, so you have no one to blame but yourself!”

Aubrey moved to pull Beca back. “Come on. Get out. Now,” she said, keeping her voice even as she shoved Beca towards the door, pushing her into the hallway before closing the door and turning to Chloe. “I didn’t know that was going to happen,” she whispered, standing still. 

“She’s right, though,” Chloe finally spoke up, looking at Aubrey. “I shut you guys out. I have no right to complain about you not being there for me.”

“We wanted to be, Chlo. So bad. Once we worked through.. the issue.. we talked about you all the time. We would get updates from Cyn and Stacie, and we thought you were okay,” she said, moving back to the bed. “When your mom called me and told me that you had tried to kill yourself, my heart dropped. Beca and I both knew it had to have been the save the date card that set you off, and we both started kicking ourselves for sending it. We didn’t take your feelings into consideration..”

“If she is so absorbed in loving her music more than anything, why are you marrying her?” Chloe asked.

“I love her.”

“But she doesn’t love you back.. at least, not as much.”

“You are not going to make me second guess this, Chloe. I am going to marry her. I want to marry her. And we want you to be at our wedding. I mean, we will completely understand if you do not want to be there for us, but we want you there, despite everything that Beca just said. She had a lot thrown on her plate by that note.”

Chloe nodded, twisting her hands together. “Bree, am I worthless?” she asked, sounding more like a child than an adult. 

Aubrey shook her head, sitting on the bed and pulling Chloe to her. “You have never been worthless. I know just me saying that isn’t going to make you believe it, but it is the truth. You have this group of people who would drop anything for you, Chloe. You just need to relax and realize it. I don’t know what you or Beca go through. I know I have been sad and down, but I don’t know what being depressed is like. Beca has tried to explain it to me a few times, but I don’t think it works that way.”

“Do you really want me at the wedding?”

“Of course we do, Chloe! You are my best friend, despite everything, and despite the fact that I am marrying Beca, I still want you there by my side, okay? I just.. I really hope that you do decide to go. It is going to be in Atlanta.”

“On Beca’s birthday.”

Aubrey nodded.

“Who’s idea was that?”

“Mine.”

“Why?”

“It just seemed.. right? When I first suggested it to her, she made a crack about I only wanted that because then I wouldn’t have two important dates to remember, just one.”

Chloe smiled, leaning back on the bed. “She makes a good point.”

“We all know my memory sucks,” she replied, looking at Chloe. “Are we okay? I promise Beca isn’t going to have another outburst. I think she just really needed to get that out. And are you okay? Actually taking your meds?”

Chloe nodded. “They actually check under my tongue and everything, just to make sure I swallowed them. It is going to be a long road, but I really think I am going to be okay, now, Bree. I just.. I still have a couple things I need to work through, but I will be there at your wedding, I promise.”


	12. Dear ___, This Has Always Been About Standing Up For What You Believe

Chloe smoothed her dress out, standing in front of the mirror in her hotel room. Her fingers twisted the bracelet on her wrist -- something her parents thought she might like -- and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. “You can always just not go,” she whispered, opening her eyes to inspect her reflection again. She shook her head. “You can do this, Chloe. You are strong. You are going to be fine.”

She sat down on the bed, looking at the time. She had ten minutes before she needed to be out the door if she wanted to make it to Beca’s dads house in time. She reached into her purse, pulling the pill bottle out and easily shaking one of each pill into her hand. Standing up and walking to the sink, she got a glass of water before quickly taking the pills. It was nice that she had been trusted to take care of herself, but she also knew that if she wanted to try and throw them out, Stacie or Cynthia Rose were going to search the room before she left it.

“It’s now or never, Beale,” she mumbled, hearing a knock on the door. She opened it, letting Stacie into the room. “I just took my pills. You can count what is left in the bottle and check all of the trashes. I think it is rather silly, but if it makes you feel better. I can promise you I am taking them.”

“You promised us that once before, Chloe, and we were stupid enough to believe you,” she said, her voice even. She finished her check, satisfied, and turned to look at Chloe. “Are you okay?”

The redhead nodded. “I had to give myself a little pep talk, but I got the nerves under control. I am happy for them, Stacie, whether anyone chooses to believe that or not. Thanks to me, they have overcome a lot of obstacles to get to this point. They deserve this.” She grabbed her purse, following Stacie out of the room. 

They had to park down the street from the house, walking slowly towards the front door. Warren smiled, seeing Chloe. “Aubrey is up in the second bedroom on the right. She told me to send you up when you got here,” he said, giving her a quick hug before leading her to the stairs. She nodded, slowly walking up the stairs and knocking on the door before opening it. 

“Hey,” she said, looking her friend over. Aubrey was sitting on the bed, a robe wrapped around her, with tears in her eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“What if Beca doesn’t want to marry me?” she asked, her voice quiet. Chloe kneeled in front of the blonde, meeting her eyes. 

“Bree, if she didn’t want to marry you, she would have been long gone by now, and you know that. She was so determined for you two to work through everything, even before you were engaged.” She took a deep breath. “I feel weird being the one to have to talk to you like this, because once upon a time, I was the reason you two were falling apart, but look at you now! It is your wedding day, Aubrey. Beca is going to be waiting down there for you, and she is going to look at you like you are the only person in the world.” She stood up, grabbing the dress from its spot on the back of the door. “Come on,” she whispered. “Let’s get you ready.”

She helped Aubrey into the dress, pulling hair up into a loose bun. “Do I look okay?” she asked, looking at Chloe’s reflection in the mirror.

“You look beautiful,” she replied, smiling. There was a knock on the door. “As long as it isn’t Beca, come in!” Chloe called out. The door opened, revealing Sheila. “TIme to go?”

“Yeah. Warren is about to walk Beca down,” she said, leading Aubrey and Chloe downstairs. “Are you sure you want to walk alone, Aubrey?”

The blonde stopped for a moment, turning to Chloe. “Chlo.. will you walk me down the aisle?”

“Of course,” Chloe said, the smile spreading wider across her face. “Let’s do this!”

Sheila rushed ahead of them, standing next to Warren in the front row of seats. Chloe noted how Cynthia Rose was standing behind Beca, and how it just seemed to fit that it would be that way. Aubrey looped her arm in Chloe’s, walking through the grouping of people, her eyes locked on Beca. Chloe tried to stifle a laugh at the fact that Aubrey had actually gotten Beca into a dress for the occasion, but the brunette was still wearing a beat up pair of black converse. With a nod from Aubrey, Chloe took a few steps back, mimicking Cynthia Rose’s position. 

Her eyes stayed trained on her friends, the way they looked at each other. There was a love in Beca’s eyes that she had never seen before, and instead of dragging her down like she feared it would, it gave her hope. If after everything, Beca and Aubrey could find that kind of love, then she could hold out a little while longer to see what life would bring her. 

She was shaking from her thoughts when she saw Aubrey nodding, her hands tightening in Beca’s. “Beca, when I met you, part of me hated you. I was so set in my ways, and you seemed to be trying to throw my world into a tailspin. When I first realized that I was in love with you, it scared me, because I had never felt the urge to give up my everything before. As cliché as it sounds, you made everything seem so new and fresh. I asked you to marry me with low expectations. I didn’t think you would ever say yes to me. The feeling in my heart when you proved me wrong is something I will never be able to put into words, but I am so thankful that I have the rest of our lives together to find a way to show you. I love you.”

Beca pulled a hand back, wiping her eyes as she took a shaky breath. “We both know that I am no good with words.. everyone here knows that. So, when you had this idea that we were going to write our own vows, I was terrified. What if I messed it up? What if I said something wrong? I almost let it get to me, but after a three in the morning conversation with my dad, I knew I was going to be okay, as long as I spoke from my heart. I am not going to start off by going into what I thought of you when I first met you, or how I had to make a few errors in judgement and how many people I hurt before I realized that it was you. What I will say is how you make me smile. Every morning, when I wake up and see you next to me, the smile the spreads across my face is one that only one other person has ever been able to get out of me. You know me better than I know myself, Aubrey, and you have this way of working past any wall I decide to put up. But I am done putting them up. I want to let you in, and do nothing but love you unconditionally for the rest of our lives. You mean the world to me, and I never want you to forget that.”

Chloe watched as they recited the I do’s, before leaning in, kissing. They turned towards their friends and families, smiling, as they walked back into the house. Cynthia Rose grabbed her arm, dragging her along behind them, stopping in the kitchen. “We get to be the witnesses,” she explained, handing a pen to Chloe and pointing to a line on the paper that was sitting on the counter. She easily signed her name, looking up to see Beca in front of her. 

“I am so glad you made it,” she whispered, her arms wrapping around Chloe’s neck and pulling her close. “How are you?”

Chloe opened her mouth to answer, cut off by the stream of well-wishers working their way through the room. She put a hand up, motioning to the stairs, letting Beca know where she could find her. She moved slowly, sitting on the wooden steps, watching as people began leaving the house. She had been told that it was only going to about ten of them going out somewhere for dinner to celebrate later. 

The last few people filtered out, Aubrey passing her on the stairs, kissing the top of her head. “I’m going to go change,” she said, smiling as Beca approached. 

Chloe turned her head, watching as Beca sat down next to her. She grabbed the younger womans hand, looking at the simple silver band on her finger. “It looks right,” she offered, smiling. “I have something I need to tell you, though.”

“Oh?” Beca asked, meeting Chloe’s eyes. 

“When I was standing there, and I saw the way you and Aubrey were looking at each other, I realized that I was going to be okay. I’ve had a rough time and I even was the reason the two of you had it rough for a while, but now.. I am going to be okay. I don’t fight taking my meds. I’ve accepted that I have a problem and that these pills can fix it. I just.. I wanted you to know that I am okay. Because I know you care about me. I know you love me, even if not in the way I have spent the past few years wishing you did, but you do love me, because I am your friend.”

Beca smiled, gripping Chloe’s hand tightly. “I do love you, Chloe. Aubrey was so worried you weren’t going to show up. She wanted you to give her away, and you to be a witness, because you are one of our best friends. You are her best friend. You, and your health, mean a lot to us, Chloe, and to see you be able to say that you are okay and mean it? That is the only thing we have wanted for you. To see you happy.” She was quiet for a moment. “I’ve missed you. I hope you find yourself able to be in our lives more.”

“I will be,” she replied, smiling. “I am so happy for the two of you. I.. I went on a date the other day,” she said, looking at the front door. 

“You did?”

“Yeah. Her name is Stef. We’ve been seeing each other for a few weeks, actually. I met her at the grocery store, of all places. She lives down in Miami, a few blocks from my parents. She’s really cool. Maybe you and Aubrey can come down and meet her once you get back from your honeymoon. We could double date.”

“I think that would be awesome,” Beca said, her arm hanging loosely over Chloe’s shoulders. 

“Cool. I really like her, Beca. And she knows about my mental health, but her brother has bi-polar, so she understands and she thinks it is cool that I can be so open about it. I think.. it’s too soon to really tell, but I at least think this could last. She makes me happy.”

Beca smiled. “That’s all that matters, Chloe.”


End file.
